Keep Calm and Keep Creating.

David Gest to his plastic surgeon, 2011:

So, basically, what I want to do is just get a slight “refresher,” you know? Nothing drastic. Just something that makes me long young, in the way where I’ll look like my face is made up of the skin of Anne Geddes babies. And then just, y’know, sand it.

Remember what you initially turned into a VERY CUTE, VERY STYLISH AND SLEEK button nose? Cool. I’d like you to “blow it up” until I look a little like Telly Monster. Yes, like a bicycle horn or a miniature, upside-down hot air balloon. Exactly. Just to “level things out.”

Now, whatever those Korean girls do over there, when they get their eyes stretched or whatever? I’d like you to do that to me. But horizontally. I’m going for “the Graves Disease look.” You know that look? Google “T-Boz.” It’s T-Boz, right, Darius? Darius, is it T-Boz with the Graves? Missy? It’s Missy Elliot, my friend Missy Elliot. Google “Missy Elliot Graves Disease.” Very sad.

Did I mention I want you to sand my face? Right, sand it.

If there’s any way you can turn my forehead into some mixture of skin and gauze, that would be great. Again, nothing too noticeable. Just make it look like the upper half of my face is a cartoon light bulb. You know what I mean? Light emanating from the center, exactly!

Otherwise, yeah, that should be it. Nothing too extreme. Just maybe take somebody’s pubes and glue it ALL OVER MY FACE AND HEAD. EVERYWHERE! STRANGER-PUBES EVERYWHERE.

Okay, yes, that’s it. Pretty low-key stuff, right?

Oh, did I mention you sanding my face? Right. SAND IT.

Photo

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 13:47:30 -0500

Photo

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 13:43:41 -0500

Photo

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 13:47:25 -0400

Photo

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 13:46:21 -0400

Photo

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 13:34:26 -0400

blithedroog: I would watch out if I were you.

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 13:31:38 -0400

blithedroog:

I would watch out if I were you.

iamtheonethatgotaway: THAT SHIT CRAY.

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:28:14 -0400

iamtheonethatgotaway:

THAT SHIT CRAY.

sofapizza: they were metallic and bitchin as shit

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 09:47:56 -0400

sofapizza:

they were metallic and bitchin as shit

Photo

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 09:46:46 -0400

pleatedjeans: crotch watchin! via

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 09:45:14 -0400

pleatedjeans:

crotch watchin! via

feministblackboard: Taken by a friend of mine during slutwalk.

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 09:44:22 -0400

feministblackboard:

Taken by a friend of mine during slutwalk.

vadakkus: I am that kind of guy too! And I wipe my brow after...

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 11:17:21 -0400

vadakkus:

I am that kind of guy too! And I wipe my brow after that too! :D

Photo

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 11:11:19 -0400

Texting my brother while he is at work....

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 11:10:58 -0400

Brother: Auntie Anne's has a sun dried tomato and onion pretzel.
Me: Yuck. Yuck yuck yuck.
Brother: Very yuck. I'm eating all their free samples cause I forgot a lunch.
Me: That has to be the saddest thing I've ever heard.
Brother: I stole the basket while they weren't looking.

Keep Calm and Keep Creating.

s0mecrazyninja: Voldemort has seen death.

jean-michaelb: Ive been waiting for you, Mr. Bond

forget-reality: = my life.

jenojdlong: UNITED STATES OF SHAME

Photo

eliotglazer: David Gest to his plastic surgeon, 2011: So,...

Photo

Photo

Photo

Photo

Photo

blithedroog: I would watch out if I were you.

iamtheonethatgotaway: THAT SHIT CRAY.

sofapizza: they were metallic and bitchin as shit

Photo

pleatedjeans: crotch watchin! via

feministblackboard: Taken by a friend of mine during slutwalk.

vadakkus: I am that kind of guy too! And I wipe my brow after...

Photo

Texting my brother while he is at work....

jean-michaelb: Ive been waiting for you, Mr. Bond